As I was recovering from my surgery a year ago, one day while we were out but I still wasn't really able to get out of the car to walk through a store, I had Edgar go into Ulta and buy a bottle of the shampoo I was using at the time. (OUAI for thick hair, for anyone who may be wondering.) I had only fairly recently discovered that shampoo and despite the shaved line for my surgical incision, at that time I still had some pretty thick hair.
But just a few short weeks later, the effects of radiation would catch up to me and I lost a lot of hair. (I know, I know... not more talk about the hair!) It just didn't really make sense to use that shampoo at the time, so it has sat in my shower since then.
But yesterday, I used it again and wow -- what an impact scent can have on stirring our memories and emotions. Suddenly, I was transported to a year ago when most days, my biggest accomplishment was taking a shower and then putting on one of the various sets of cozy pajamas that had been gifted to me for my recovery by friends and family. In those days, going through that process and then returning to the recliner to decide which of the gift cards to local restaurants we would use for lunch or for dinner that night was a successful, productive day. We watched the second season of a favorite Netflix show. We kept our schedule light.
And all of this wasn't just ok, it was expected. It was encouraged. It was welcomed.
There are parts of that time in my life that I'm beginning to realize I miss. In fact, even in the midst of it I can remember wondering what it would feel like when I didn't have this "permission" to just sit at home for weeks on end. And of course, there is nobody giving me permission -- it's just a matter of the choices we make.
People frequently ask Edgar and I how we possibly keep the schedules we do, where we find the time for our 5 (combined) jobs, and just in general how we manage to juggle everything. And the truth is, the older we get, the more we are able to focus on the things that drive us. "They" say if you have a job you love, you'll never work and I think that philosophy explains why we keep the schedule we do, because we have genuine passion for the things we are doing.
But for eight years now, I've been on a mission to slow down at this time of year and focus on the things that bring me joy. (My first post about this was in my Facebook memories today.) I've labeled it #weekofjoy and have tried to practice it in some form or variation every year since. Essentially, the gist is this: for at least a week (and often, it's longer) I only do things that will bring me joy. It is the lens through which I view my time commitments. But of course, there are obligations that slip in still (even with the break from my full-time job) so what I've found is that this simply gives me the chance to really critically evaluate and then possibly re-frame my "why" for doing something. Maybe laundry doesn't inherently bring me joy, but ultimately taking care of my home does. Doing dishes or vacuuming aren't necessarily joyful activities on their own, but when I have them checked off the list it means the house is a blank slate for holiday decorating, and doing a bit of that every day brings me joy. (Side note: our house currently looks like Christmas exploded in here and I'm not even done. Edgar says I am likely over-compensating for the limited decorating I was able to get done last year. He's probably right.)
And perhaps, last year when I was in the midst of the biggest storm of my life -- that mission to use this time as a way to rest and recharge actually became even easier. Last year it was for my health. But really, isn't it always?
Last Christmas my sister bought me a book called "Wintering" and full disclosure -- I still haven't quite finished it. I think that a year ago, it was feeling a little too real. But life-threatening illness or not, the concept really is very simple in practice -- finding a way to rest and recharge and let your soul "winter." I suspect it doesn't have to be during the actual winter season but in a midwest climate, it just kind of makes sense.
Don't get me wrong -- I fully appreciate that it is a luxury in life to be able to have this kind of time. My first job provides me with built-in breaks that allow for the shift in focus without sacrifice. I am still a little stressed about getting everything done ahead of the holidays but that is mostly self-inflicted. (I did give up on an idea for matching t-shirts today because the logistics of ordering them were not bringing me joy.) And truthfully, the ability to craft a beautiful holiday for my family brings me SO-MUCH-JOY!
My semester isn't quite finished yet. I still have two finals to oversee and of course, grades to submit, and then graduation next weekend. We are hosting a speech tournament this weekend. The responsibilities still loom, but interspersed with periods of doing a little Christmas shopping and decorating, and taking the chance to just sit back, be still, and prepare for what happens next.
Be still... and prepare for what happens next. A beautiful Christmas message for us all, I believe.
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