A year ago today, I came home from my hospitalization after brain surgery and got this weird idea that I should be saving the ID bracelets from hospital stays and treatments throughout my journey. I think that in my heart, it felt more respectful of the process than just throwing them away (and I wonder why I have sentimental hoarding problems?) so I started a ritual. Every time I've gotten one of these (and when you are a cancer patient, it happens a lot!) I simply take it off and put it in a bag hanging in my closet.
I think I was envisioning that someday in the future, I would be able to just use them for some kind of photo to exist as a form of art, a reflection and salute to the teams of healthcare providers who have gotten me to this point. I didn't really have a set idea for this vision beyond that, but when the one-year anniversary of surgery hit this week as I was also getting my regular 3-month MRI AND my monthly immunotherapy, it felt like a good milestone to document.
So, here it is:
It's intentionally a bit blurry but I did take the time to center the bracelet from brain surgery, though that's the only attempt I made at any kind of positioning.
I really like this photo because to me, it symbolizes how far I've come and how hard I've been fighting and I think that sometimes maybe I just don't even give myself enough credit for that. I still have so much anxiety around anything medical-related, so every time I walk through the doors of a medical facility of any kind, it represents my overcoming a fear. When I look at this photo I'm reminded that it is ok to succumb to a certain acceptance of your life's circumstances while still maintaining a sense of choice and self.
While I was in my treatment earlier this week, I received two texts from students. One was a college student I advise and the other was a high school student I coach and both had things they needed at that very minute. At first, my internal dialogue went something like this: "Ugh. Don't they know that I am in the middle of something right now? (Of course they didn't, but since when is internal dialogue ever rational?)" And that thought was immediately followed by "how lucky am I to be in a place where my students again take my health for granted. This is what I hoped and prayed for a year ago."
A year ago, I had three classes of students whose semesters were upended with my diagnosis and then absence from campus. Visiting them both before and after my surgery was one of the best decisions I made (ok, I'll give my husband credit for pushing those visits) because it gave me added fuel to persevere. Looking back, I'm amazed to realize that through this whole ordeal, I only missed about 7 days of classes. (And my employer was incredibly kind in handling those days.) But, 7 days! That's all! (This is because the universe was kind enough to line up my diagnosis/surgery/recovery with the semester break but still...) I'm about to finish my second semester back and I haven't had to miss a single day because of anything related to my health (not even a normal "sick" day!) and I am feeling beyond grateful for that as well.
So, following the results of my last MRI a year after having those tumors removed, tomorrow I'm taking in a bunch of cookies and inviting both current and former students to celebrate "one year in the clear" with me. I especially wanted to include those students whose semester was so horribly interrupted last year because they are a part of this story too and they deserve to celebrate this milestone with me.
The bracelet collection is FAR from complete so I'll just keep adding to it -- with a heart full of gratitude for each and every one.
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