I am going to type some words I honestly never thought I'd say: I had the BEST time getting my mammogram done yesterday.
Yes - it was the first one I've had done and I'm truly not entertaining any comments that try to shame me for that OR applaud me for doing it now.I am of the firm belief that shame and guilt do not motivate people, but fear can and often does. My previous choices reflect the fears I developed of the medical profession in general after 1) watching a parent die as the direct result of bad decisions (read: mistakes) made by doctors and 2) being harassed and shamed by a provider during a critically vulnerable time in my life. Those are not excuses but they are reasons and I stand by their validity.
(Also, I've had 3 clear PET scans and one clear breast MRI in the past 18 months so this felt redundant but I am reassured there is like, one particular kind of cancer that tends to evade those things so, here we were.)
Obviously, there's been a whole lot of pushing through those fears in the past 18 months and yesterday was no different but I am happy to say that the care and attention I received yesterday was absolutely off the charts top-notch and I just want to remind my friends who work in healthcare that *THIS* is what makes all the difference for patients. I know it's hard and the system is working against you in every way possible but I promise, it's worth it when you connect with someone the way I was able to connect with that technician yesterday. We shared vulnerable things about our own medical journeys and truly, I will always remember her for how she made me feel so seen and understood.
TIMEOUT note to any former students working in Healthcare who may be reading this right now: PLEASE TAKE SPECIAL NOTE! You are still so young and early in your careers, please do not ever lose the compassion I know you all have!
For pretty much as long as I can remember, I've been under the impression that getting a mammogram is a painful and uncomfortable experience. And that was not the case for me at all. In fact, I've worn bras that caused significantly more discomfort and I can only assume that is a throwback to when the machines were not as advanced as they are today. (Which, honestly, only makes me even happier about my procrastination - lol!) But really - I'm not trying to discount anyone else's experience but this is one of those "if only I had known" moments. Like, even when people say "it's not really that bad" I thought they were kind of fudging a bit but I mean it sincerely when I say I could have just stood there like that for hours, no biggie (and not just because of my freakishly high pain tolerance, I promise!)
I mean this sincerely: I will take a mammogram over a Pap smear or even dental x-rays any day.
Also, here is something I really didn't understand until yesterday - as a current cancer patient, there is something really empowering about getting an "all clear" on a diagnostic test. It's like the medical establishment is saying, "we're still worried about you but now we know there is one less thing to be worried about." Eighteen months ago I was fervently praying to be here where I am now.
If you've been putting off a mammogram and something about my story encourages you to schedule one (first of all, good luck with that but that's a rant for another post!) then I'm happy. And if it doesn't, that's ok too. I'm not going to shame you. But if you want someone to help you talk through your very normal and perfectly rational fears (because all fears are both normal and rational) I'm your girl! I'll even go with you if you want.
On a related note, I also ordered contacts and made my eye exam appointment a whole month EARLY yesterday -- it's like I don't even know who I am anymore! :) And I had immunotherapy treatment #21 earlier this week. It is the first time I didn't document it on Facebook but I guess making note of it here is kind of the same thing. My oncologist also cleared me (again, but there was some confusion over it last time) to only come in to get bloodwork and be seen every other month, so there will be months where I just show up for the infusion and I'm good.
Also, here is something I really didn't understand until yesterday - as a current cancer patient, there is something really empowering about getting an "all clear" on a diagnostic test. It's like the medical establishment is saying, "we're still worried about you but now we know there is one less thing to be worried about." Eighteen months ago I was fervently praying to be here where I am now.
If you've been putting off a mammogram and something about my story encourages you to schedule one (first of all, good luck with that but that's a rant for another post!) then I'm happy. And if it doesn't, that's ok too. I'm not going to shame you. But if you want someone to help you talk through your very normal and perfectly rational fears (because all fears are both normal and rational) I'm your girl! I'll even go with you if you want.
On a related note, I also ordered contacts and made my eye exam appointment a whole month EARLY yesterday -- it's like I don't even know who I am anymore! :) And I had immunotherapy treatment #21 earlier this week. It is the first time I didn't document it on Facebook but I guess making note of it here is kind of the same thing. My oncologist also cleared me (again, but there was some confusion over it last time) to only come in to get bloodwork and be seen every other month, so there will be months where I just show up for the infusion and I'm good.
I haven't been blogging nearly as much lately and I realize that. In part, it's because I've need to blog about the loss of a friend in my brain surgery circle, but I haven't been able to find the words just yet. I'm hoping this will help kickstart some inspiration but I guess time will tell.
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